6.11.16 Some changes w/ Master and Oliver

So, some things have been evolving.

my relationship with Master has changed.

He is allowing Oliver to take over and have control of me.

i think this is how it works:

Oliver is controlling me. i discussed it with Master and He is good with it. Things that Oliver tells me and things that Oliver says to do or not do, Master is aware of. He's either approved or says to do something else.

For example: someone asked for my phone number to text instead of messaging back and forth on Fet. i asked Oliver if this would be okay. He said no, i can use YIM. i asked why (because that's always what i do so i can understand reasoning) and he said he didn't want any more people messing with my head as has happened in the past. i discussed Oliver's decision with Master and He agreed. Master has yet to reject, deny or say otherwise any of Oliver's decisions or direction.

i think if it ever happened where Master would disapprove of Oliver's choices, i would do what Master would want me to do, but also discuss it with Oliver. That is where Master still has control. Master knows me very very well and how i react to anything. He will even tell me not to do something even before i do it.

How do i feel about all of this? As of now, i am very happy. i know that Master is looking out for my best interest.

Oliver and i will be playing tonight. i'm really looking forward to it, as i always do. He's purchased an anal hook. i'm not sure that we will be using it this evening though. He is absolutely amazing in bed. Like amazing. Did i say amazing? And man do i love to suck his cock! HA!

6.6.16 Nothing is new

i literally have nothing new to report.

Everything is status quo.

i've been a tad cranky lately. i think i know why and am doing a little "soul searching" to understand it.

6.2.16 Quite the uplifting day

Not so much uplifting as a relief.

Since Master told me that He wanted me to explore my relationship with Oliver, i have been a tad bit stressed out and conflicted.

Oliver has wanted me to follow rules and such. i was feeling conflicted and stressed because i have Masters rules to follow. i was worried about discussing it with Master because i was scared of what He might say or do. Turns out i was wrong again. i had nothing to be scared about.

Master and i went over things today and He is completely fine with how things are going. He has no problem, as of now, with any rules that Oliver has given me. Of course if there are any contradictions Master and i will discuss and take it from there.

So i guess this means that i kinda have 2 Dom's. i read on Fet once that it's not possible. Seems it is.

6.1.16 Pictures from the weekend

So i know i spoke about the weekend yesterday, but here are some of the photos that Oliver took.

Picture one. me with spreader bar that Oliver made and hanging from the beams.

Picture two. Spreader bar and still no bruises on my ass. Just nice and red.

Master and i spoke of some possible changes. i am really liking Oliver and Master wants that. He says Oliver is very good for me and is a good man. i'm still not sure what Master is getting at, but i know we will figure it out. Either way i now feel confident that Master will always be around. Perhaps sometimes the meaning of relationships change, or the positions of them, and perhaps they can return to the original? i'm not sure. i wonder if this happens in other LDR's? Maybe i'll see what i can find on Fet.

i also came to the realization that i do not have to submit to everyone. In general i am a very strong, dominant woman. i am this way because i am forced to be this way. i am forced to stick up for my family and take care of them. Being strong is the only way to do that, i feel. Would i rather not? Absolutely. Maybe someday i won't have to and someone will do it for me and i can just sit back and submit and do as i'm told. On the other hand, i wonder if Master, or perhaps even Oliver, thinks that i am not very submissive because of those times when i am dominant? My personality is strong. Does that mean anything?

i also find, in myself, that if you are not strong enough to 'dom' me, i will top you. Why do i do that if i want to be submissive? Is it some sort of test? Or maybe i should just submit because i want to and leave it at that. i have never had an issue submitting to Master. i only tried to top Him once but that was because i was panicking about an issue i had. Why can He dominate me so well? What is it about Him that makes Him able to do that?

i do not have a problem submitting to Oliver during play. He was the one who said to me if i just want to submit, then just submit. Why do i have to make a thing out of it? Honestly, i don't know....

Self analyzing.....................